Muhammad Kamal Abdul Halim

August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007

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Im getting truly fed up with the glitches present in blogger and have decided to change to wordpress. For the past few months, Nurul has been the one uploading most of my entries after I wrote them in word doc. Nonsense man... time to get a better host...


So heres my new blog add aite.

I was at first, after the exams, looking forward to the substantial activities adorning the 3 month holiday period. It is a good blend of activities that ends up with you getting paid and also events that is non-profit in its nature, simply put (work and PBM/Silat IVP) Truth be told however, I’m not yet at full systems go, barely halfway there even. I don’t know why, but things seem to be daunting to me. Like as if there’s too much that I have to be responsible for, and I do not even believe that I’d be able to meet the minimum expectations, if any.

Firstly, IVP Silat Marketing/Food is really picking up, and the team has somewhat got their confidence back, after experiencing quite disappointing returns to their efforts. Kudos to the team. Added to that, I will be replacing Fadzli as Events Manager for the IVP and it is in this position that I am not that sure of myself yet. Then there is Perkampungan Bahasa which I am really looking forward too, but at the same time, I have to plan out training and content for Pentas Budaya’s Dikir performance. My head is truly muddled and there’s a whole lot of mambo jambo swirling inside. I really need to get organised and really feel up for it. However, from time to time I do face this kind of duality, between shutting out and of being raring to go. Perhaps once I start moving, things will fall into place. I hope its sooner than later though, for my own good and for those who put their faith in me.

On a different note, I’ve been watching the 9 dvds that I bought from Johor last week, and one film truly caught my attention and something which I could relate too, Gridiron Gang. The movie stars Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson as a probation officer in charge of delinquents who are divided between gangland affinity and racial epithets. He came up with the idea creating a football team (American football) to instil and teach them the meaning of teamwork, discipline, trust and being a winner. His approach ranged from being utterly regimental to being a friend to them. Sometimes he lost control and pushed to hard, almost losing the group in the process. Therein lies the problem.

I remembered vividly my first stint with Synergy International conducting a camp at Changkat Primary for P5 students. I always believed in the doctrine of command and control and this is exactly what I said during the interview with MOE. If you are able to control your charges then it’ll be much easier to relay what you want to relay. But it’s not that simple actually. For that camp, each person had to be in charge of 20 kids, and I adopted a firm regimental approach, rarely lightening up. But at times I think I forgot that the camp is for them to enjoy themselves and not having some 23 year old shouting and scolding them for not supporting their team members, not putting in enough effort or not showing enough interest. At times, I found myself reprimanding them like how I would reprimand a recruit who do not execute the Standard Obstacle Course properly. On hindsight, I guess, no matter what, you should have that veneer of firmness, but never push too hard, they are kids after all. I was wrong there. Even if they did enjoy the camp, they might have enjoyed themselves more if I was friendlier. I did engage them, but I could have eradicated the times where I shouted at them. That should really really only be the last resort. There should always be a flexible reverting from firmness to warmness, as and when it’s suitable. If you play it adroitly, then I think one will be a great teacher. Easier said than done though.

What I could relate too also, was the intangible rewards of teaching. Of the appreciative gestures, actions and gifts from your charges, that money can’t truly buy. How you are given the responsibilities to shape lives and even put in a position to change lives. Lives that were at first headed for the doldrums but to which you were tasked to provide a detour for them. It may be trying though at times. A miniature example is my current Aspiring Gems experience. Teaching 4 Primary 2 kids for tuition at Aspiring Gems is no joke man. Picture 4 hyperactive kids who cannot keep quiet for 1 minute tops. Who want breaks time and time again, who breaks of into whispering songs every 10 minutes, who tells you their oh so adorable life stories, when you told them in the first place to focus on their work, who you give breaks, but instead the turn the room into a market place, who you threaten punishment via ketuk ketampis but they do it willingly without even doing anything wrong and while doing it they instead say 1 KENTUT ketampis, 2 Kentut Ketampis, 3…… Though adorable, one still needs to tutor. Hahaha… At times I try to stifle my laughter, at times I just break out smiling.

Heres a mini exchange:

One of the kids was singing while rocking the chair:

Me: Rasul, you think this is Singapore Idol is it? You think you voice nice is it??

Rasul: Cher, I want I want. I want to be Taufik Batisah…. My voice nice.

Me: (exasperated) You come here to sing or to do maths? I got ask you to sing?

Rasul: (just smiled sheepishly)

That said, for the experiences in Perkampungan Bahasa, working with Synergy and teaching Primary 2 students in Aspiring Gems, I see all this as valuable value adds in enriching myself n moulding a better/more capable educator in me come NIE 2008. Insya Allah

My gf is hawt.

Exams are over, and I’m thoroughly relieved and am now looking forward to the various events and happenings the fills up the next 3 months of the calendar. Exciting times ahead….
On a different note, there is a mini euphoria with regards to a certain tagging thingee perpetrated by the last person I hoped would do such a thing… haiz… disappointing… hahaha

I’m reluctant to partake in this ‘high schoolish’ verve going on but it did make me think about the unique practices or rituals, if I may say that, which I adopted during my childhood years. Do note that the word UNIQUE is very much different from weird (Maly), unusual or eccentric (someone who chronically talks to herself).

Uniqueness has a positive, definitive meaning to it, so at the end of the day, I do believe that the practices I had were unique in nature, and never weird, so readers, you have to be with me on this ok…no dissent and no different analyses to it aite…That said, weird would be someone who cant dance but compulsively dances in her room or asks her mum to help her wear make up even though she’s 20 already. Conversely,

Here are the 3 cardinal sins that I remembered of my wonderful childhood years:

1) I used to wake up in the middle of the night and wander off to 2 specific places in the first residence that I ever remembered. The first venue was the kitchen toilet, a fair bit of distance away from my room. And I would just lie on the semi-wet floor of the toilet for a while, before going back to my room a little later, half wet, half exhilarated. The second venue would be the small spacing under my uncle’s drawing table, and again I would lie there for a while before going back to the comforts of my mattress. Think what you may, but I call this innovation and creativity on finding alternative places of rest and sleep.

2) Then there’s this ‘brave’ ritual which I do weekly before sleep on random days. I would put my index finger as deep as I can into my throat until the point of choking/vomiting, just to withdraw it before I really vomit whatever it is that is in me out. Once done, I would be free to go to sleep. This, one can see as a sort of initiation ritual that warriors of yore go through before they are seen as worthy. So do look at this act as that, and JUST that. I’m not suicidal or bulimic, as you can see from my considerable girth now…hehe

3) Finally there’s this compulsive counting of multiples of 4 until the number 16 when I watch the television. I would strive to finish the counting before a scene finishes or before advertisements ends; and if I deem myself as counting too fast and not being articulate enough, I would repeat the whole sequence. This I see as a concerted effort in perfecting my maths and specifically my memorisation of the first 4 multiples of 4. Nothing else. Period.

So there you are the ‘unique’ rituals that I practiced during my halcyon childhood years. Unique in every sense of the word, weird it never was. Thank you.

That said, in retrospect, I was one hell of a freaking weird bugger man. What the hell was I thinking? I’m glad I turned out ok though, even if some of you may not agree…. Ahahah….

Alp Arslan: "What would you do if I were brought before you as a prisoner?"


Romanus: "Perhaps I'd kill you, or exhibit you in the streets of Constantinople."


Alp Arslan: "My punishment is far heavier. I forgive you, and set you free."

The late professor Alatas had the belief that the PMI (Persatuan Mahasiswa Islam) and PBM (Persatuan Bahasa Melayu) in NUS were redundant sideshows to NUS life. This belief has been passed down to some of the lecturers that had the honour to be under his tutelage. The stance was that life in the university was for intellectual stimulation - to change the world through words, to solely enrich yourself through academia.

That is very much true, no 2 ways about it. However, as much as I respect and uberly value your contributions to academia and society at large, I ask you this. How much can legendary works (cue Myth of the Lazy Native) or rationalization change something if it stands alone? Yes, the works created a whole new horizon of possibilities. They were eye-openers, they evoked emotions and ideas from the Malay intelligentsia of the times and even until now. But how much of your work flows down to the Malay masses, that dare I say, don’t even know of your existence or of your thought-changing works?

Truth is, to me university life is not about immersing oneself in books, and forgetting that the world is bigger than just parading your first class honours or your life-changing theses. What matters is holistic education. What one can learn in PBM, I feel, or any other ‘working’ societies for that matter, is much more than what studying alone can offer. Yes, of course we can uplift society through intellectual analysis and discourses, but words alone can’t change much. Do you dare say that one knows what is truly plaguing society just by readings scores of works alone? Or is the experience more surreal if one is actually walking the grounds of the very masses that is suffering from poverty or come from broken homes? Could you create change when the groups that matter are oblivious/do not even care or give 2 hoots on the primacy of your earth shattering works?

My point is this, societies as a whole provides you with things that studying alone could not offer. And when these 2 entities are juxtaposed with each other then it’ll be a fearsome combination indeed. Thus, I say to you revered professor, “Yes, NUS societies are very much relevant in university life, change does not only come in words, but by actions. That is if the events conducted by these societies are relevant to help society at large.”

That said, a friend told me of a successful individual who started a business in Poly and is now living very comfortably while doing his national service. I shot back:

“So we should look up to this people? Those that only think of themselves and how they can get rich quickly? Does he contribute to community or donate to charity? Is that the type of individuals we should look up too?

The individual retorted: “But you can donate cash-wise if you’re rich and well-to-do or when you start working.”

I replied: “What makes you think then when one starts working, one can actually have time to help the community? Even more so, if the cultivation of societal work hasn’t been instilled in them during tertiary life? My argument is that we can have dreams, but we should work towards helping society too. So when we become successful in life, we would not be detached from the problems that society, especially our community, faces. I say have the experience now while at the same time chase your dreams, and when you're able, contribute both financially and in deeds.”

But that’s what I would do, and of course it’s not a one-size-fits-all approach/opinion.
If one does not give a hoot about society, then of course whatever I have said would be rendered null and void.

On a different note, I’ve never felt better this semester.

1) I feel that my future is more or less stable. That I’m surrounded by wonderful individuals.

2) That my dreams are attainable. The teaching position that I have been offered in NIE. The business that I plan to set up. The alternative career path that I could fall back on, if the latter doesn’t work.

3) I feel raring to go. One of the dreams I have in mind is that if I do become successful one day, I would use the cash to revamp the dikir scene in Singapore. Have a more efficient and less ‘crony-like’ bureaucracy and instill positive values in the dikir arts.

Many dreams, many hopes. Still a long journey in life that I have to face, many things that I have yet to learn. Even in PBM now, it’s still a learning process, and to the freshies, I have this to say:

“Some of you may think you’re capable, but sometimes too much may be detrimental, because you will then think you’re infallible and not open to opinions and advices. It’s a learning process, even if you’ve done dozens of events, there is still more things to learn. And I say this through my own experience. So realise that now, before someone better puts you into place”

Here’s thus my musings, my lengthy final entry before I go full steam ahead for exams revision. To those battling the exam, I wish u all the best and God Bless.

Carpe Diem.

A Swatch Irony Watch: $135. A Mach Turbo Shaver: $10.75.
A Bouquet of Gerberra: N.A. A 30 Page Anniversary Card: Truly Special.
A Wonderful Girlfriend: Priceless.

I think its human nature to want to analyse situations and provide comments even though none is asked from them. As much as I realized that this seemingly ‘for friends’ only account is being indulged by those who cant truly claim to be part of a commendable circle of friends, I must acknowledge that for the goal of diplomacy some tact and holding back has to be practiced.


In truth I do not give a hoot if some people think being acerbic and direct in your thoughts ONCE in a while is distasteful. Cos the way I see it, in leading one’s life, there is no one recourse to everything, but perhaps looking at the narrowness of the worldview of some individuals, a dash of aggression (or harshness as some put it) is magnified when a vast amount of diplomacy and tolerance has been practiced throughout. And this is the very reason that I do not take unvalued words highly, what more if it is made by feeble minds. However, thoughts must be respected even if it teeters on the borders of ignorance, and I surmise that added tact and care should be taken in penning my thoughts. It’s funny though when these so called moral beings and crusaders deem a point harsh, they do not look at how they have been treating or walking their lives. I amazes me too when individuals do not look at the entirety of a situation and choose to divulge minute details and over-elaborating on their perceived quality but in the end showing just how ‘good’ they are.


That said, I think Adlina is very grounded and more often than not usually has the view of the bigger picture in mind. N I think she has learned much from the events that she has done. Congrats Lin…. Project Director for Welcome Tea??? hahahah


N this Sunday will be a year of being together. It truly has been a breeze babe… I have enjoyed it thoroughly and adore much how the relationship has gone... syukran


Disclaimer: the entry was written before the comment made by passerby and stems mainly from a convo I had with a friend a few days back... So apologies if theres any perceived misunderstanding

There’s so much that I want to write about but do not have the time to do so. Perhaps once this busy period is over, I shall have some respite and pen down the thoughts and happenings that I want to make known.


For Kamie, I want to congratulate you on putting up a massive effort to realize Melayuku Sayang. Despite the hiccups and limitations it had, you did a wonderful job in trying to put everything together. I may have been harsh about certain things concerning event quality and committee management, and I still mean it, BUT I think considering this was your pseudo-first time heading an event of such scale, it was truly commendable and I have seen you grow (not literally)… haha… so kudos to you babe..


For Husni, I am actually proud of what you have done in the time that remained, despite the late start to training. I’m invariably glad that you have stepped up and proven your worth. Insya Allah, you will gain the full confidence of the Dikir Guys soon. Keep it up bro… We will make Pentas Budaya a success too… Insya Allah..


Congrats to you both, and apologies if any of my entries are acerbic and stinging, I still meant them though, for that context that is… heh..


But credit is due where it’s due… Both of you have stood up to be counted… Thank you.

When I thought my mini bout of angst has passed and I’m back to normalcy, another predicament arises. This time it comes 2-fold. One is the utterly irksome incompetence that knows no bounds and stubbornly denies the practice of learning from past mistakes.


We have this situation where due to your utter inability to meaningfully listen to instructions after which you magnify the problem by relaying to those at the bottom wrong information. Indirectly, you put the competence and integrity of the JK at risk by your abject inability to delegate accordingly. And who will have to execute damage limitation exercise?? Definitely not you, cos we can always count on you to make the situation much worse than it was beforehand.


N I thought the second time round, you would realize the mistakes made, and the people on top on our part, has sought to put our best people in up front so as to win back the loss of confidence from some of the members, if any, towards the JK. BUT you’re not helping the cause by failing to inform PBM Marketing and Publicity immediately about their role in the closing ceremony. It’s your freaking last event, and do we need to highlight that to you??? Put some effort to it man. Do not be as detached to PBM as your significant other. Fulfill your responsibilities.


On another note, I find it truly irksome when individuals come up with assumptions and with complete ignorance for the matter at hand. Why do you make judgments without knowing the true extent of things? Why do you say there’s politics when obviously, it’s omnipresent? Only the version or the type of politics differs. Say if an event doesn’t go as smoothly as it should be or if heads do not do their job; you don’t say ‘oh it’s a job well done. Don’t worry, be happy.’ Of course you need to reprimand, give some value add, and right the wrongs so as to improve on things. But you must do that with knowledge at the back of your head. Its ok to have an aversion to politics, BUT if you dislike any kind of politics that happens without firstly differentiating the types, or the ones geared to quality control OR the much negative ones, that is politicking and backbiting, then to you my friend, I say you are totally naïve. If you dislike politics, then do not go to work when you graduate, cos bottomline, everywhere you’ll go there will be politics. So perhaps; be more accurate and concise in you definition, worldview and facts in the future. I myself dislike politics, but in the end if you dislike it then make a difference. Wield a position to which you could promote things/ideas constructive to a healthy management culture. Running commentaries without facts or backed by half truths however, is similar to politicking actually, cos now you are defaming another without prior due evidence and facts. Period.


On a different note, the trip to Muhammadiyah Boys Home was a truly eye opening experience. Thank you Masih Ada Harapan comm. for the opportunity. Thank you God for your compassion. Alhamdullilah